Hello, it's me again!

I started writing this blog entry in the wee hours of June 26, 2021 and the date this is published is the date that I have "finalized" what the first post in my return to writing will be looking like. Going back to writing has been always in my plans, which I intend to be an outlet to release the thoughts that has been running in my head. These could be over the course of the times ideas strike me, or when I get to pick up new learnings and how can that be applied (or how I have applied it) in real life. From that time I get to started journaling, I feel like I have a lot of thoughts to share - not exactly to become an influencer but to have an avenue for me to tell about how the things that I have encountered, materials that I have read, and how these have triggered my highly sensitive thought process.

A culmination of multiple attempts to write back was triggered strongly by the time I encountered a quote that resonated well with me - "sometimes later become never". I don't know exactly where or who coined this phrase but it struck me so well, reminding me of the numerous instances I wish I could have done sooner, rather than later. I keep asking myself what were the distractions that I had then, or was it just the plain lack of drive that kept me achieving the things that I wanted to do. 

Two Perspectives

I have specified earlier about the "highly sensitive thought process" (HSTP). While not clinically diagnosed, I have identified myself being as a highly sensitive person, where one overthinks and trying to find reason, even in the most mundane of things. Ironically, this trait also tries to convince myself that there's a justified reason why I missed certain things. With this, I looked back and see what were the missed opportunities in the past. 

From a professional and personal perspectives, I could cite two examples that tops most of the things where I find myself guilty of this. Professionally, there was a time where I was so confident of the project that I am working on. Too much confidence where I found myself comfortable and the resistance to learn new ones were so strong because I don't have a use case for it. Regardless, I was convinced then that the experience that I am gaining from it will give me an edge in future projects. I was wrong. 

When I moved to the United States a few years back, I thought that having worked on a big and complex projects would give me an advantage. Setting aside any interview prejudices, I took notes of the questions that I wasn't able to answer. That made me realized that while I was gaining experience in my career, I wasn't really learning anything new because I have isolated myself to work only on things I am comfortable with. I forgot that I wasn't really practicing what I have been thinking that the field where I am currently workin on is very dynamic that things are fast changing in a short span of time. Avoiding learning new things is a recipe for a career slowdown in an ever challenging and competitive space. I wish I had spent my free time then learning new technologies, but it could be either there's the lack of opportunity to explore, or finding that elusive time to study, and find applications where that can be leveraged. 

On a personal level, I must admit that I am a lover of music. I have always dreamt of learning to play the piano to the point of convincing myself I can play this soon. There were a lot of attempts throughout the years but there's always the excuse only at the first instance of a roadblock. "The fingers weren't cooperating", "I have school", "I can do it sometime", were some of the excuses that I was saying then.  I wish I had the courage to push myself further learning it, I could have been playing the piano with my favorite songs now. 

But past is past

As I grow older, I look back at the years growing up, and these were just some of the things I can say, "I wish I have done/learned sooner". While there's no way we can turn back time, and growing older means more responsibilities to look after, I have resigned to the fact that while it's not too late to start something new, I'd rather delegate my focus to what matters most. Truth is, we don't have that much time in an ever connected world. It's hard to find that time for ourselves - time that would enable us to do the things we wanted to do because admittedly, there's a lot of distractions that come along our way.

Moving forward, I intend to write as much as I can. In this way, I can look back through my previous posts on what were the things that I was thinking back at a certain period of time, and how I could have changed since then to the time I would be reading it in the future. 

This is me signing on, writing on to new things, thoughts, and adventures. :)

Patrick

Brooklyn, NY